Toward Leadership Balance

Why do participants say they attend the retreats?
Participants, mostly CEOs from the US and Canada, attend because they feel the call, the
dream, the urge for something more -- here is a sample in their own words:

 I'm striving for a life where I don't awaken anxious about my leadership challenges and
how I can turn my organization around.

I am tired of doing a series of projects or one night stands, rather than having a long-term
sense of making a difference.

What's on the horizon?  Am I really making a contribution?  Or am I merely attending meetings,
meeting deadlines, and doing activities?

I have had to make some very difficult decisions that have estranged from me people who I
care deeply about.  It makes me really doubt myself.  I need to know if there is something wrong
with me -- can I trust myself?

I see what I need to bring to my work, but I face a serious barrier of fear -- will people think
less of me if I am all of who I am?

I sense that I am much more than I allow myself to see, but I am afraid to look inside for
fear of what I will find.

I have become jaded.  I believe in people and the importance of community in work, but my
experiences of this have missed the mark -- this may be my last shot before cynicism sets in.

What we do
We set a clear intention and establish a sacred space for our work together.  Each participant is given a symbol. 
This symbol is a teaching stick, similar to a walking stick but created with symbols and form intended to teach. 
Actually, the stick picks the participant.  Executives keep this stick with them at all times as a reminder of that
 which is highest within them; they are asked to observe all of its detail, to notice how they feel about each of these
 details, to ask the stick for teaching -- in the hope it will reflect back to them that which they most need to notice
about themselves right now.  

One participant is initially uncomfortable with her stick -- it is a jester stick complete with a gaping
smile -- she feels the stick is laughing at her.  Over time she comes to understand that a fear of
being laughed at keeps her quite serious.  She also asks, "If I had the meaning of the stick upside
down initially, what other beliefs and perceptions do I have upside down or backward?" Another
participant carries a stick which looks like a spinal column.  It reminds him of his mother's words;
"Stand up straight."  Further reflection begins to reframe the notion of standing up straight -- it
is no longer an order.  It is an appreciation of the strength and straightness he brings to his
organization....

The other major activity is that of creating a symbol of the emerging SELF.  This activity has
profound implications for several reasons.  First, the act of creating a symbol is very a powerful
way to bring a concept into reality.  Second, this engaged creativity tricks the ever-noisy
intellect into a meaningful activity, opening the way for a deeper conversation and knowing. 
And finally, the activity can be counted on to surface all hidden resistance we have to being
centered -- being balanced as leaders.  It is simply not enough to desire leadership balance --
we must also be willing to face our hidden resistance and see it for the false barrier it is.  The
resistance that emerges in the retreat includes:

• Leaders have difficulty asking questions about anything they think they should know
  something about, but don't.  It is very important to many of us to look like we know
  who we are and what we are doing.  In fact, we believe strongly, in many cases, that
  to be innocent and open in our questions – to wonder -- will damage our position with
  employees and among our peers.  This severely handicaps a leader’s ability to learn new
  things or experience the wonder of new realms.
   

• Moving beyond the mind as the primary processing unit for information is very difficult for
  most leaders.  We are raised on a steady diet of analysis and logic.  We study trends and
  go steadfastly in search of the tangible facts.  In an emerging environment typified by
  lightening-speed systemic change and random occurrence, it is important to learn to
  process information using all other senses -- and to take information in through the heart.

     For example, ancient peoples of differing languages were able to communicate because their
communication came from the heart in the form of images.  If sent and received from the
heart, messages could be understood easily.  As a leader begins to communicate with the
deeper Self, this is also very valuable.  Because the language of the deeper Self is not
necessarily English, the language of commerce, but something far more heart-felt, image-
based and ancient.

• Many leaders believe that to give attention to self-development, i.e. to explore who one
     is, is a selfish and luxurious act.  "How can I spend time contemplating myself, when all
     about me is falling apart?"  Ultimately, if the leader must be whole in order for the
     organization to be whole, the answer becomes "How can I not?"
   

•  "It is not safe to be me" is perhaps the deepest level of resistance.  Many leaders have
  sought diligently to be in the image of those who have been recognized and successful
  in the past.  And all have personal experience of seeing what happens to someone who
  is different -- experiences ranging from patient tolerance to outright oppression and harm. 
  It was two days into the retreat that one executive said, "It finally dawns on me that I can
   not say anything wrong here -- nothing is considered inappropriate thinking or behavior. 
  There is feedback, response and questioning, but there is also unconditional respect --
  unconditional love.  I'm not used to that.”
   

•  Self-sufficiency and personal self-control are among the hallmarks of past leaders. 
  To admit weakness, ask for personal assistance, or say "I don't know" is unthinkable to
  many.  But today, we are learning quickly that our very organizational survival depends
  on the power of the group and its ability to operate as a community.  And what is the
  greatest enemy to learning and community? -- isolation and an I can do it myself
  mentality…

What happens beyond the resistance?
Repeatedly, each retreat goes through predictable stages of group process and community building. 
[Note: We are grateful to M. Scott Peck, MD and the Foundation for Community Encouragement for
well-documenting these stages which are italicized below.]

The retreat begins by graciously looking good with each other and talking about how much we have in
common (pseudo-community).  Then resistance surfaces and chaos ensues -- the group searches
for intellectual answers and explanations or begins to try and "fix" each other rather than focus on
Self.  Over time, within a patient and loving environment, individuals begin to let go of the resistance,
empty old beliefs, and move into a space of emptiness and openness.  Then and only then, is it
possible to receive the gift of a new experience of Self and to know an experience of community. 

A heart once touched never regains its original shape.... these experiences leave an imprint, a
strengthening, a sense of well being, to be built on, to be expanded -- but never forgotten.

In the months following the retreats, participants say they carry this sense of well being, sense
of Self, back into the world.  Each moves forward with unique individuality, but a unifying thread
emerges:  more risk-taking, stronger expression of personal voice and vision, and most notable,
increased belief in Self.